It's 3:30am and anxiety has once again moved in under my covers. When this happens, I usually have a pretty good idea why. From something heavy, like that a friendship is inevitably going downhill, to something that really shouldn't give me anxiety at all at this point, like public speaking.
However, this time around, it's a combination of both. Not one, but two of my dungeon buddies are leaving my department at work. You may think that my anxiety would be the inevitable workload growth, the difficulty of training, getting to know and dealing with new co-workers, and the fact that nobody has time for anything these days. If so, you couldn't be farther from the truth.
I will really, deeply, inevitably and unapologetically miss these women. They have been there for me in more ways than I could have asked for. They have lived things with me and trusted things in me that only friends of decades do. In a very short amount of time, we became dependent on each other without even noticing.
My pretty-eyed Virgo has so much love to give. Never admits out loud how beautiful she is, how strong she has become or how awkward I made things for her sometimes. Because she is all class. No judgement for me, even when she saw me at my worst. We share simultaneous experiences that I'm truly convinced had to coincide in order for us to become friends. We would have been just a little crazier had we had to endure these ordeals alone. But after that was over, there was so much more. There is still so much more unresolved. But all in due time. Now she moves on to new horizons, and I couldn't be happier. But it's an understatement to say I'll miss our talks so much, from reading our shared horoscope, to as over-thinking-ly as they could get.
Sometimes I wonder where our "plan" sheet went. Operation Samurai or something? Then I realize I would only wanna see that sheet to burn it, or do something to it that I can't put here, 'cause let's face it, we're classy broads.
I thank God (or whatever she believes in ;-)) for knowing her, and I'm grateful for her coming into in my life. And rest assured if we do drift apart, I will understand. We kinda already have, but everything happens for a reason, they say. She was honest enough to answer me one day that when we stopped working together, inevitably things would change. It has happened with countless people before, but she was honest enough to pseudo-warn me. Doesn't stop being bittersweet, though. She has so many great things to accomplish and I can't wait to hear about them!
My ever so easygoing Moonchild became my sister in the blink of an eye. So gently honest, so humble, so modest, but yet so wholesome. And man, what a booty! Lol... I can't help dreading the thought that I won't see her amazing beach-waved hair every morning, wondering how the heck she manages to look amazing even in sweats, and how she's never had a frown that lasted over an hour in the year I've known her.
Always up for great conversation, never holding back advice and always having me begging for a video blog (can you please get on that already?), she made it fun to go to work again. Always coming up with reasons to throw cube parties, ten second dance sessions and shaking up the FMM. She is the epitome of the co-worker that effortlessly walks her way into your friendship circle. The kind of person you never wanna lose sight of. The one you look up to and can't help but wanna be like her. And exemplar mother and the true definition of "family first".
She introduced sex talking at our cubes first thing in the morning! Everyone assumes its me all the time! How could we not miss her, when all she's done is crawl into our hearts and set up camp there? I know, like she said yesterday, she will be around. But man, will I miss all her amusing stories (I'm still convinced all that stuff only happens to her) her incredible and apparently unbreakable sense of humor and her all-around easygoing manner. Like I've told her so many times already, I hope she always knows I'm here for her.
Today I can't help but choke up at the thought that I won't see these girls every morning anymore. Yes, I've lost countless co-workers, and yes, I miss most of them very dearly. But these were different bonds. These involved similar sorrows, family growing pains, and situations we'll never forget. Situations that helped us grow, become, forgive, endure and enjoy life just a little more.
Go on and continue to make everyone that loves you very proud. We may drift apart, but we're friends. As simple or as complicated as life may be. I'm blessed you're part of mine.
Love you both,