Friday, December 20, 2013

ReconnEXing with an Old Friend

I always make fun of Yvette this time of the year, because she has this ex-boyfriend that always "checks in" with her around the holidays. I give her a "wicked" hard time because the sucker always hits her up around Christmas. "What, does he, get cold??" I always ask. It's a good running joke.

All kidding aside though, reconnecting with someone is definitely underrated. Be it something tricky, like an ex-boyfriend, or something obvious, like a family member, sometimes it's just so much worth exploring. The rush you get when someone that had been a crucial part of your life years before, and for whatever reason had to exit it, all of a sudden reappears in your life, may very well be like the perfect Christmas gift. It truly is priceless.

Specifically with an ex, a million questions, even if only subconsciously, cross your mind. What are they up to now? How far are they from me, in both presence and in thought? What has changed? Dear God, what has not!?! Will it ever be as intense as before, or will it be calm and caring, and collected and super mild? Did they go through the same thing I did? Did they miss me as much (or as little) as I did? And there's one question that at some point one inevitably asks themself: What would have happened?

What if this person wouldn't have exited my life? Would they still be around? Would we have had a strong relationship? And most importantly, would that relationship have survived all the tests that would come with time, and would we still be together?

I've always said an ex is like an ex job. Whatever went wrong the first time, goes ten times worse the second. So run like it's the apocalypse! But I'm not a fan of generalizing, so I won't. What if the, uh... job is so good, you need it? What if the, uh... satisfaction you used to get gave you such a high, that you never really recovered from it, and once in a while you still have withdrawals?

Be it the feel of their touch, the beauty of their face, the rhythm of the conversations you had with them, the way they gave you their restless, undivided attention, or simply the way they looked at you and you felt like you owned the world... You missed that. You find yourself feeling so strange... ly awesome! And it's goofy, and maybe even inappropriate at times. But it's there, you can't help it. Your feelings weren't dead. They were merely frozen. It doesn't necessarily mean you're still in love with them. God, no. But the ego boost is nevertheless exhilarating.

And the balancing act of not letting this "melting work" get in the way of your everyday... Boy, that can get exhausting. The care with which you explain and review with your loved ones that this will not interfere with your life, or mean anything more than that, reconnecting. If you even go there! Because how many people actually explain something like this to their significant other? Is that something they would even understand or... encourage? Nah, most of it stays in seclusion, a pseudo-complicated secret, or a vague white lie. Because it really doesn't go anywhere, so it's ok.

... Or does it? For others, it can get so twisted. Reconnecting with an ex can put in jeopardy everything they've worked for that makes up their current situation. Old flames spark, some limiting themselves to flirting, others leading to simple (or not so simple) infidelity. If never revealed, the most intense chapters of people's lives get written. If otherwise, relationships, good, durable, meaningful relationships can get sawed in half never to be put back together again.

I have a great relationship with all my exes. We do NOT regularly keep in touch. It's more of a check-in, make sure all is well, talk to ya next year, kinda deal. Super platonic. Rarely ever does it go farther than a few Facebook messages. Cause that's the other thing. Our egos are so ridiculously large, that we have to have them around in our social media. To remind us of the fact that we were once important to them, that the new significant other could never be as hot as us, or simply that... we won!!

So, my dear friends, the next time an ex knocks at your door, don't ignore them. Especially now, it is the holidays, after all. It can be a beautiful thing to rediscover the awesome you that you put in a box and smashed into pieces, with that entire relationship. And it doesn't hurt to keep the peace with the person who may hold a few secrets over your head. Just... also please keep your pants on.

Everyone deserves a hug. This is all virtual, of course, like in the form of a tweet, or a Facebook message. If they actually show up at your door... once again, run like it's the apocalypse!

Happy Holidays, my darlings.


1 comment:

cocorote said...

I usually have the same relationship with my ex-es.. but there´re always exceptions.. 1 of my biggest defects is a kinda of ridicoulous pride that in some ocasions has compelling me for screwing up every damn thing, n dont allow me to see beyond the wrath.. Summarizing, there´s this person that I´ve no talked to her since a while.. n that I conciously know that she can´t b anymore in that place what she was, 4 millions of reasons.. I just mean that human being squared the time for easing his life, for naming, for setting up in a place that it could be understanding with our limited cognitive capacity.. So.. There´s this events in our lives, that has their own space n times, we cant control it.. Soooo.. I´m partially living Chrismas by now.. but there´s other years that hasn´t ended, by now.. I just said

Hugs Yani,